Thinking About Throwing Your Own Wedding Shower? Don't Do It!

Just because you're a take-charge kind of gal doesn't mean you should consider throwing your own wedding shower

Whatever you do as your Big Day approaches, don't give more than a second's thought to throwing your own wedding shower.

Now, it's only natural for you to think a lot about the important side events associated with your nuptials, especially the bachelorette party and your bridal shower. But don't try to arrange or host them yourself; that comes across as too controlling. Unlike the wedding, these events aren't yours to plan.

Hands Off

That's not to say they're not expected, especially the shower. But the idea here is for your buddies to handle your showers for you (and yes, it's possible to have more than one if your friends care to). You shouldn't be directly involved -- ever.

Why not? Well, how about because it makes you look greedy and petty? Do you really want people to consider you a Bridezilla? The title's nothing to be proud of.

With the shower, the only thing you should have an input on is the date and guest list, and even then, the intent should only be to avoid conflicts, and ensure that your shower guests are on the wedding guest list. Some planners suggest that no one should be on more than one shower guest list.

And please -- don't try to control it from behind the scenes via a chosen hostess. Your shower, and what people bring, should be up to your friends.

Shades of Etiquette

In rare cases, you may find yourself in a situation in which there's no one around to throw you a wedding shower: for example, if you've just moved to a new city, or you're an introvert without many close friends. If this is this case, you can just hope someone picks up on your need... or simply forego the occasion.

One point where I disagree with some experts is when they state that a bride's family members shouldn't organize a shower -- as one source snootily puts it, "Not moms, future mothers-in-law, stepmoms, sisters, or daughters." Why not, unless they're obviously doing it just to get you more attention and gifts?

Admittedly, the same source makes exceptions if a sister's a bridesmaid, if the shower guests are blood relations only, or if the bride's moved to the groom's hometown, in which case the groom's mother and her friends are in charge. That's an elegant solution in that case.

The Bottom Line

Wedding planning is already an etiquette minefield, and you're probably dealing with enough things, from picking the ugliest possible bridesmaid dresses to choosing a venue and matching the napkins with the tablecloths.

So let someone else handle the shower. You don't need the additional headache, and throwing your own wedding shower looks bad anyway.

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